Over this last week, for some odd and random reason I was reflecting back on my past relationships versus the relationships that I have today and I thought one thing... there's a big difference between what my relationships look like today as opposed to back then and by "back then" I mean all of less than a year ago.
Obviously relationships include two or more people meaning there are more people involved in a relationship than just you. With that being said, relationships are always a two-way street which means both parties make decisions and choices.
Whether you are in a romantic relationship, a friendship, family, or acquaintances with someone, you can almost always tell which relationships are healthy and positive and which are not all by two things, how you feel when you are around the other person and how you feel when you depart from them.
It's interesting because I think we all know deep down which relationships are healthy for us and which are not but we don't always listen to ourselves... maybe because we feel obligated to be a part of a particular persons life, or maybe because we are hopeful that the relationship will work out for the best. Whatever the reason be, it is important to be aware of the fact that the relationships that take place in our current lives play a huge roll in our mental and spiritual health...
Have you ever heard that saying, "You become who you hang out with"? When I first heard that saying I remember instantly thinking, "that's not true. I decide who I want to be not them" but then...
I started to realize that it was completely true. My friends would go out and get loaded, so would I. My family was toxic and in turn, I became toxic too. My past romantic partners were prideful, unfaithful and insecure, and so was I. Sure, we all have differences and demonstrate both positive and negative qualities as we are human, but ultimately, from my experience, their garbage warped into my garbage and vise versa.
The thing I think we all know but don't always, 100% of the time follow through with is that we chose who and what we allow into our lives. If something or someone is not positively serving our mental and spiritual health we have the choice to not engage in the relationship or at least, until proven otherwise.
There's a thing called intuition. It's a wonderful thing really but when we are longing for approval, acceptance, and love from anyone or anything at all except from God and oursleves, it's as if our intuition becomes silenced and hence, we ignore it. I view our intuition like God's voice- an ability to discern the right from wrong, but like I said, when we are longing for voids to be filled, potentially voids stemming from past relationships, we are unable to make a good judgment as to who and what we place in our lives.
Have you been avoiding or ignoring your intuition? Have you been ignoring what God wants for you in order to grow in Him?
I particularly remember being with one ex. I really liked and cared for him, he was fun to be around, I liked how I felt around him in private but as soon as we were in a crowd, with other girls around, I would notice that I wasn't the only girl he wanted. I ignored the red flags and oddly enough, it made me crave his affection and love that much more because I wasn't "the only one" for him. I felt the need to compete with the other girls and the challenge seemed enticing until I found myself never feeling good enough for or enough for myself. In time, I had several mental breakdowns, one including me wanting to kill myself in front of him to show him how much I needed his love because I craved it that much... I began to realize that it wasn't actually his love in particular that I was craving, I was simply just craving to be loved in general as I never really felt such thing but only in which could be felt through an intimate relationship with God who loves me, loves you infinitely and unconditionally.
There is no greater love than the love I have felt from Him.
You see, we can justify other peoples lack of true love for us rather selfishness all we want but from my experience, it is a very dangerous game to play ESPECIALLY if you have deep inner wounds that need to be healed. If you have to beg for someones affection, love, care and concern, pursuing a relationship with them is probably not the best move particularly if you are trying to heal, recover, and develop a stronger connection to God. True love doesn’t include feeling a need to compete, beg, and it certainly should never include wanting to hurt yourself over. Love is not selfish, it isn't boastful, prideful, and unloyal. Love has everything to deal with bettering and lifting up the other person involved in the relationship...
Listen to your gut, it’s God talking!
Thank you for the read!
I have learned that there is a difference between wanting healthy and happy relationships and having healthy relationships.